On “becoming”

(A vision. February 2018)

The ultimate betrayal has got to be what led Jesus to the cross, right? I wondered, how long beforehand did Jesus know what Judas was going to do? Was it a week? A month? Or did he always know? And did this knowledge create a wedge in His relationship with Judas? (I’m presuming not, after all, He is God…) Or did He show consistent love regardless of Judas’ shortcoming?

I wanted to know all the answers. I was in pain and didn’t like who I was becoming. I knew Jesus was familiar with the subject and I knew He was my model example of who I could become, but how do I actually love those that had caused me so much grief?

I sensed the answer lay some where in His security in His own identity. I mean, why be intimidated or shaken by the opinions of mere humans, when you are the One who created the world, and through whom all things are held together?!

In the midst of my questions (and they were honest questions), I sensed Jesus smile, “I learned it from my Father”, he seemed to whisper, as a picture began to unfold before me of another betrayal, one I hadn’t thought much about…

I had a realisation that what I was seeing was what followed on from a great division in Heaven, When Lucifer, along with one third of the angels were cast out. I saw a great rift form, a schism that tore a path from the very throne of God. (Could God be grieved? Oh yes indeed.) But it was what happened next that was incredibly significant and demonstrated something of the nature of God that I had not fully understood. I have been reluctant to write about this as there is no mention of the following events in scripture (and I’m not suggesting you form theology around my vision), but the lack of mention almost feels appropriate, as God has never been a victim in His thinking, His focus has never been on the pain he experienced, but always on His freedom He gives…

I saw my Heavenly Father fill that ravine with water, -pure and clear and sparkling- and form the River of Life in the ruts of the deep wound. And, as if that were not enough, He planted trees along its bank, which had leaves that heal the nations.

This River was always to be a source of refreshing and life for all that come and receive. Out of pain, healing flows and benefits the world. Thats my God! So committed to redemption, not only does He restore, but He makes things better than what they ever have been.

Not shaken or swayed by the events happening around Him, but completely secure in who He is, in the midst of betrayal, He looks into the future (if linear time were relevant to Him) and sees His own beloved children, He sees us. He sees what we need for our pain and He makes provision in advance for us. From His experience of betrayal, only love ever flows. And Jesus modelled at the cross, perfectly, what He saw in His Father.

So I’ve stopped striving to keep on my emotionless, “I’m fine” face. I thank Jesus that He became the access way for me to approach my incredible Father, and I dive deep into that River of Love’s provision and let it soak me until it permeates into the core of my being and cleanses the pus filled wounds of my soul. I let His Love do its work in me.

I know I am His. I know this should give me all the security in the world to stand up against anything that comes against me, and remain secure in my identity as a child of The King. But as those forces continue to rage, so I come back to the River, time and time again, because I need it.

Is betrayal squeezing the life out of your soul? Are you struggling to remain unintimidated and uninfluenced by the chaos around you? Why not come to The River? Lay down your victim thinking, stop striving on your own and come…